To Nick:
My best friend who was recently engaged after a fast courtship is devastated after her fiance ended the relationship and engagement. Some blame it on a fast courtship-they didn’t have enough time to get to know each other. Others blame it on them being too young. No one but them will ever know the real reason why it ended, because relationships are too complex for anyone else to really understand. When one is getting married they must not have too high of expectations. When one has high expectations of what married life will be like, they are almost always disappointed. Disappointments can lead to divorce. If one goes into a marriage with low expectations or reasonable expectations it makes for a much easier marriage. Last semester I took an upper division Sociology class on American relationships, families, and marriage. It was a very interesting class that gave a realistic approach to relationships. Divorce is very common in Oklahoma. This class gives you all of the facts about why relationships fail. I am entering into marriage with very low expectations of what married life will be like. I know that marriage is not going to be an easy thing. I know that love alone can not keep a marriage together–it takes time and commitment to one another. I have been with my fiance for six years and I hope I will be with him forever.
April 18th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
I love the post Lindsey. Very illuminating.
April 18th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
First of all, Kiser said you were supposed to have a not-me syndrome. You can go into a marriage w/o having low expectations b/c it won’t happen for you.
April 18th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Notice how I broke my comments into 3 sections. This way, you’ll get more points on the assignment.
April 18th, 2006 at 7:03 pm
To Lindsey:
Your post makes me sad. Please be more optimistic about your future life. Certainly your marriage won’t be a happy one if you go in with a negative attitude. The “disappointment hurts so don’t try” approach will only leave you longing for more once you’re married.
I’m also getting married soon, and I know that married life will be difficult and trying, but I have high expectations. It’s not disappointments that lead to divorce, it’s lack of effort (among other things). It’s possible to have high expectations for marriage if you prepare yourself and make an effort to realize what you’re getting yourself (and your spouse) into.
Finally, persevere. Don’t tell me you HOPE you’ll be with your fiance forever, but you KNOW you will.
April 20th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
You leave class to early.
April 27th, 2006 at 6:14 pm
Forget that. You know your marriage is about 50% likely to fail. Think optimistically. Knowing this, you can plan for your future. You can keep separate bank accounts and keep your belongings separate so that when the attorneys come in, there won’t be anything to fight over. Don’t have any kids. That’s just more court battles. hmm. . . let’s see. . . . You can avoid making major purchases, house, car, etc. Doing these things will make your inevitable divorce that much easier. You can pray and read the bible all you want. But if your not happy, your marriage will not succeed.