Coming in here at #5 is Singles. Think of this title as an overly sexual The Sims game…except without all the fun and…sex.
The game’s challenge essentially boils down to this: If you and your roommate of the opposite sex were the only two people left on earth and only ever left the apartment to go to work, would you eventually have sex? In even the most desperate cases (and keep in mind I know many of the personal habits of horrible ogre people), I’m sure the answer is “yes.”

The five men and women you’ll be pairing here represent various types. The career-minded manager guy might find himself paired with the cold-on-the-surface-boiling-on-the-inside lady scientist. Or the slick ladies-man might move in with the shy girl-next-door. Each pairing requires you to intuit the types of interactions that each would most enjoy. Beyond that, the pairing of a messy and clean Single creates its own problems.

There are two homosexual characters in the game, one of each sex, and these can be paired with the corresponding characters used in the straight game. Practically, there’s no real change in terms of gameplay here. Even the sex seems to work the same. Personally, I think it’s more fun to put the gay guy and lesbian together and see if you can make it spark. Strangely, though this inclusion of gay and lesbian perspectives makes the game seem pretty broadminded. The fact that all 12 characters are Caucasian doesn’t admit much in the way of diversity.

It’s a game that builds to one moment, the instant that the two roommates eventually go all the way. You’re not really going to see too terribly much here. If the fig leaves in the screenshots don’t give it right away this is definitely a softcore form of “doing it.” Both characters stay under the covers and you’re meant to interpret the writhing under the sheets as, well, what Shakespeare called “making the beast with two backs.” (There’s been no sign yet of what the Bard poetically referred to as “a reverse cowgirl.”)

I think it’s smart to expand on one particular aspect of life rather than compete with The Sims‘ more general approach. And romance is probably the best topic to try. But as a consequence of this romance focus, the other areas of your Singles’ lives seems pretty flat and uninspired. Unfortunately, there’s simply not enough depth in the mechanics of romance here to compensate for the loss.

It would be different if the romance mechanics included more than just hitting on each other in the apartment. Let the Singles go out on dates to restaurants or the theater or for a walk in the park. Let them have romantic rivals or ex-lovers. Let the game build to something other than a hookup. Better yet, have an apartment building with multiple potential partners and let the player manage that. Hell, call NBC and see if you can get the Friends license.

Make that game, Eidos, and I’ll sue your ass off.