Recommendations for Bush
(editor’s note: OFF THE RECORD, Brent Battle’s unofficial, defunct blog from facebook.com, recommended a few items for President Bush.)
May.26.2006 –
The War on Terror needs a facelift. As the number of U.S. servicemen that died overseas will soon surpass the number that died in the Sept. 11 attacks, the American public is questioning the purpose for the War on Terror.
This is why the Bush administration should give the war a new title and direction. I suggest “The War against Anyone Who Disagrees with the President.” There is no reason to hide this goal any longer. I advise taking advantage of this policy by making it a public-relations campaign before the Democrats or the liberal Media uses it against you.
When people working in the government refuse to discuss issues publicly for the sake of national security, I agree. For example, when the Central Intelligence Agency faced a lawsuit for wrongfully arresting Khaled El-Masri, a German citizen, did CIA attorneys try to settle or fight his claims in court? No. Instead, they claimed any court proceedings on this topic will jeopardize national security and the courts refused to hear the case.
Touché.
When a Senate panel questioned CIA director candidate Gen. Michael Hayden about the use of “water boarding” in prisons (immersing a “detainee’s” head in water to simulate drowning, considered cruel and inhumane by humans rights groups), Hayden deferred to discuss this in a closed, non-public session.
Right on, brother.
President Bush needs to step up his blanket use of national security as a means to refuse public discourse.
First, eliminate the press conferences. The reporters don’t need any information beyond what’s provided in the press releases.
Second, make dissent a qualifier for jeopardizing national security. Through this, protestors can be thrown into secret prisons in Europe and tortured until they reveal Al-Qaeda’s plot to bomb our mass transit systems, which they presumably know about.
Third, eliminate all taxes on the top one percent of all households in the country. According to Reaganomics 101, this increase in wealth for the rich will “trickle down” to the bottom 99.9 percent - similar percent to the germs anti-bacterial soap kills on your hands.
Fourth, declare evolution to be “just a theory” and Intelligent Design “a legitimate science” based on your beliefs. Atheists will no longer use their facts to discredit your interpretation of the Christian Bible. Also, use your “faith based initiative” program for Christian and Jewish private schools only. If necessary, divide them up by race as well.
Fifth, take funding from public schools through the No Child Left Behind Act to be used for military recruiting. We’ll need all the troops we can once we invade Iran.
Sixth, continue pushing for social security “reform.” Eventually, Americans will forget the point of social security and accept whatever program you give them, even if that program mandates Wall Street as their only outlet for a retirement pension.
Seventh, declare the First Amendment “null and void” if it jeopardizes national security, particularly journalists that “leak” classified information in their news stories. I advise jail time for any one who violates this policy. But be careful, especially if someone in your administration is the one leaking the classified information (i.e. Vice President Dick Cheney).
Lastly, mandate all U.S. citizens pray for you, similarly to the way you require soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan to do. This is the best way U.S. citizens can fully assist in winning the war, which your administration predicts will endure for decades. When people question these not-so-drastic changes, threaten them will detainment in a secret prison or have them executed on grounds of treason.
(original editor’s note: Brent Battle studied constitutional law under Karl Rove at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba)