Tatt-tunes

Last Thursday evening was a series of letdowns, putdowns, fashion faux pas and plain ol’ mishaps. No, I’m not talking about a night on the Strip. The MTV Video Music Awards aired Aug. 31. If you didn’t get to see the show, here’s what you missed:

Jack Black, eccentric funnyman and half of parody-ish music duo Tenacious D, hosted the show. And, naturally, tried to steal it. Sometimes one has to wonder whether to laugh or feel sorry for the guy. But he’s so gosh-darn cool…in his own nerdy, stoner way.

The White Stripes’ Jack White’s “other” band, the Raconteurs, provided commercial break and intermission musical entertainment. At one point, Jack Black suggested that, due to the similarity in their names, the two should collaborate to create a music group. Jack White looked less than thrilled.

Controversial comedienne Sarah Silverman gave an onstage speech devoted entirely to poking sarcastic fun at Paris Hilton – particularly her weight (or lack thereof). “You’re like, bigger than the fat Olsen twin,” Silverman said. “You’re supposed to be Paris Hilton, not Paris, France.” Who knew that public ridicule at the hands of Sarah Silverman would come from one Burger King TV commercial?

Newly divorced celebs Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey were both presenters at the VMAs — luckily, not at the same time. Even so, viewers could almost feel the awkwardness emanating from the television as each made an appearance. One could only cross fingers and hope that there would be a chance of an on-screen run-in between the ex-couple.

Beyonce Knowles lip-synched her single, “Check on It,” (one of only a couple of singers to do a lip-synched performance). Luckily for her, it went off without a hitch. Didn’t anyone learn anything from that whole Ashlee Simpson fiasco?

The award for Best Male Video went to James Blunt for “You’re Beautiful.” Among others, he beat out a surprised-looking Kanye West. To MTV’s credit, the video cameras zoomed in on the expressions on the faces of category non-winners after the winner was announced, capturing the strained, dejected, bitter looks on their faces superbly.

The Pussycat Dolls’ hip-shaking in “Buttons” won them the Best Dance Video award. They clawed their way over Shakira, Madonna, Nelly Furtado, and Sean Paul. Where the heck were OK Go and Fallout Boy??

Black Eyed Peas took home the award for best Hip-Hop video for “My Humps,” and Chamillionaire took the Best Rap Video honors with “Ridin’.”

Underdog A.F.I came out on top of the Best Rock Video category with “Miss Murder,” overthrowing favorites Green Day and Red Hot Chili Peppers (wake-up call, old guys!!).

The award for Best Pop Video went to Pink for “Stupid Girls.” While accepting the award, she made her speech in a highly exaggerated valley girl voice, but it was hard to tell whether she was joking (or sober, for that matter). When gesturing with the hand that held the Moonman, the flag fell out of the statue and onto the floor in front of the stage. “Oh…that’s sad,” she nasally intoned, while her facial expressions suggested she felt otherwise.

Viewers sent in votes via text message to deicide the the Viewer’s Choice Award, which, luckily, went to Fall Out Boy for “Dance, Dance.”

In a stretch, even for MTV, there were actually categories for Best Video Game Soundtrack and Ringtone of the Year.

Egomaniac Kanye West, who was nominated for several awards (including the ludicrous Ringtone of the Year), came away from the show empty-handed. Not to worry, though, at least he got to make an appearance onstage to present Hype Williams with the Video Vanguard award (whatever that is). Another deserving nominee who was in several categories but didn’t win was Panic! At the Disco.

Gnarl’s Barkley’s “Crazy” finally got some VMA recognition, even if it was only for crappy Best Direction in a Video and Best Editing in a Video awards.

The Best Choreography in a Video category consisted of the exact same artists and songs as the Best Dance Video group, only this time Shakira won, leaving the viewer to wonder what the big difference was and, once again, where the videos from Fall Out Boy and OKGo were.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers, who were nominated in virtually every category, finally came away with an award for Best Art Direction in a Video.

The Jackass cast joined the show via satellite periodically to entertain with the type of stupid stunts that made the group famous to begin with. The clips may have been more fun to watch had they not been a blatant and shameless plug for the “Jackass: Number Two” movie due out in theaters later this month.

Chicago band OKGo took the stage about midway through the show to do a superbly entertaining (and endlessly difficult-looking) dance number that was choreographed entirely on a group of treadmills, which was by far the best part of the evening. The background music was one of the band’s own songs, but it didn’t matter, because no one was really paying attention to the music. If you missed this, go online, download the video, and watch it.

And the low point of the night: Stillwater’s own shame the All American Rejects won the award for Best Group Video, beating out other, more deserving nominees Gnarls Barkley, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy and Red Hot Chili Peppers. A visibly drunk Tyson Ritter, with highball glass in hand, went onstage to accept the award with his bandmates. He followed Pink’s lead by gesturing with the hand that was holding the Moonman statue and causing the flag to fall out. “It’s okay, they’ll send us a real one,” he said. He then ended his speech with “I am getting trashed tonight!”

How ironic that the network that began 24 years ago as a complete dedication to music videos (which, by the way, now rarely ever shows them, except between the hours of 3 and 5 a.m. - and I know this because I used to have to get up at these times to feed my little boy), would actually hold an awards show to recognize and award music videos. Maybe next year MTV will pull out all the stops and just hold the “Sweet Sixteen” or “Yo Momma” Awards.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 7th, 2006 at 7:49 pm and is filed under Events. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.